Category Archives: Counseling

Counseling

15 questions for your marriage

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Most married couples would admit they struggle to communicate, and would like to learn how to communicate more effectively. How about setting aside some time to answer these 15 questions together? Here’s the full post by Justin Taylor:

In the latest Journal of Biblical Manhood and Womanhood Rob Lister has a good article filled with practical suggestions for married couples to use in evaluating their marriage. The whole thing is worth reading for counsel on how and when to do this.

Below are the 15 questions:

 

  1. On a scale of 1-10, give your overall assessment of our marriage in the past six months. To be sure, this is a very broad and subjective item, but I have found it helpful to open the conversation with an item of this kind of breadth, because it helps to prime the pump. Obviously, you won’t hit on a ton of specifics with this one—that’s what the rest of the questions are for—but I have been truly amazed at just how much discussion this assessment alone can generate, as various issues come to mind. From there, we’re off and running. Follow-up questions in the event that the conversation fails to gain traction initially: What have been the strengths of the past six months? What would make your assessment higher?
  2. How has the husband’s leadership been over the past six months? The wife’s support? Follow-up: How can I improve in fulfilling my respective role?
  3. How is your walk with God, both personally and as a couple?
  4. Where do you see ungodliness in my life?
  5. Do I have any unconfessed sin that needs to be shared with my spouse?
  6. Are we guarding meaningful time together? Prayer? Conversation? Date Night?
  7. How is our sex life?
  8. What could I do to make you feel more loved/secure/respected?
  9. How can I serve you better?
  10. What are the issues that we need to anticipate in the upcoming six months?
  11. What’s your greatest personal disappointment and your greatest satisfaction in the last six months?
  12. How can I best pray for you?
  13. What are our major upcoming mutual prayer concerns?
  14. Spend a few moments, in an encouraging fashion, sharing several of the things that each of you loves and appreciates about the other.
  15. Then close, by spending some concerted time in prayer for those prayer concerns you just shared, as well as thanking God for his faithfulness to you as a couple over the past six months.
Counseling

The pride of moral superiority

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“There is none righteous, not even one.” (Rom. 3:10)

Last Saturday at Men’s Bible Study, we were made aware of our own pride and selfishness through Jerry Bridge’s book, Respectable Sins.

Bridges has spent thousands of hours studying and writing and preaching and counseling on the matter of personal holiness. So when he speaks about the human heart, I know I need to listen. And what he said about self-righteous pride really grabbed my attention:

I venture that of all the subtle sins we will address in this book, the pride of moral superiority may be the most common, second only to the sin of ungodliness. But though it is so prevalent among us, it is difficult to recognize because we all practice it to some degree. In fact, we seem to get a perverse enjoyment out of discussing how awful society around us is becoming. When we engage in this kind of thinking and conversation, we are guilty of the pride of moral superiority. (p. 90)

I feel way too good about myself. If my thoughts and impulses were carried out and translated into words, I would probably be caught saying things like,

“Thank God I’m not like that murderer, or drug addict, or homosexual. I sure am glad I’m not one of those open theists, or emergents, or charismatics, or Arminians! Come to think of it, I really am a pretty good Christian. I read my Bible more than he does; I arrive to church earlier than she does; I know my theology better than he does; I never struggle with the sin he does; I’m a lot nicer to be around than she is; my prayers are much more fluent than his; my comments are always more profound than hers; I’m a better writer than she is; I’m a better preacher than he is; and I bet I even tithe more than he does. God sure must be happy with me. Isn’t He lucky to have me on His side?”

I’m being only slightly facetious here. In these moments of moral comparison, which are far too frequent, I’m really no better than the Pharisee of Luke 18:11-12. Exalting himself, he was humbled by God, and found no mercy (v. 14).

The remedy to all of this is to fix my eyes completely on Christ. His glory and perfection smash my self-righteousness like a sledgehammer. And when I hear His words, “You shall be holy, for I am holy,” (1 Pet. 1:16), I suddenly realize just how sinful I am, and how much I need the cross of Jesus every day.