Virgin lips

Here’s something radically counter-cultural. A new movement is on the rise to encourage Christians to abstain from kissing until marriage.

It’s obvious our culture has become hyper-sexualized in a very short time. Al Mohler writes,

In the space of little more than a single generation, we have seen the breaking down of virtually every social and cultural support for sexual abstinence. Arousal and intimacy come with the romantic longing that marks the deepening relationship between a man and a woman. Young couples no longer court on the porch swing with the girl’s parents sitting inside and very close at hand. Now, most young couples face the temptation of romantic contexts in which intimacy–and this means sexual intimacy–is a likely outcome.

The Virgin Lips Movement represents a serious effort to push back against this expectation and to create boundaries that will protect virtue and honor marriage.

What do you think? Is the Virgin Lips Movement putting Matthew 5:29-30 into practice, i.e. taking radical steps to avoid sin? Or is it legalism? Should parents expect this of their children?

I don’t think it would be legalistic at all to have such a standard for one’s own relationship. After all, we all must set clear boundaries of purity and never violate our consciences. “He who doubts is condemned if he eats [or kisses], because his eating [or kissing] is not from faith; and whatever is not from faith is sin (Rom. 14:23). There could be great wisdom in establishing and avoiding this threshold of physical intimacy. However, I could see the VLM quickly becoming legalistic if couples begin to impose this vow on others, adding an extra-biblical standard by which all relationships are judged to be sinful or righteous.

The real issue is a matter of the heart – not merely outward behavior. Certain boundaries must exist to avoid fueling lust and temptation, but these boundaries will vary from person to person and from couple to couple.

Randy Alcorn, in his excellent book The Purity Principle, says,

For years I didn’t go in a particular doorway to our local supermarket because of a magazine rack. Later, my mental discipline became strong enough that I could keep my eyes away. But until then I honored my boundary. It was inconvenient, but a small price to pay to guard my purity.

We have a television, but we don’t have cable. Not because we believe it’s wrong, but because we don’t want more temptation in our home.

I’m not telling you what you have to do. Boundaries will vary from person to person. A boundary may be not standing in a checkout line where certain magazines are displayed. Or not driving in a certain part of town. Or never going on a business trip alone.

Boundaries keep temptation from getting a foothold. They are based on the premise that our sexual purity cannot be strengthened if we keep doing what we’ve always done! We must change our habits. We are sentries charged with protecting something immensely strategic… (p. 44)

The Virgin Lips Movement is a great reminder that all of us must stand guard, glorifying God in our bodies and remaining pure in every relationship.

The Need for Church Unity

Last Sunday morning, we looked at John 17:20-26, the final part of Jesus’ High Priestly Prayer. In these verses, He prayed for “all who would believe,” including you and me! We saw Him pray for the church’s unity in two areas:

  1. Our present unity – Jesus prayed that our unity would reflect the unity within the Holy Trinity (v. 21). We can expect both unity and diversity in the Body of Christ. The basis of this unity is the very indwelling presence of God in us, His “glory.”
  2. Our future unity – Jesus is delighted as His closing request in the prayer to ask for us to be together with Him, forever and ever, and to see His glory (v. 24).

Thought & Discussion Questions:

  • Have I truly believed in Christ through the word of His apostles? (v. 20)
  • In what ways should a church show unity? Diversity?
  • How would I rate the unity in my home? (Excellent? Fair? Poor?)
  • How would I rate the unity in our church? (Excellent? Fair? Poor?)
  • Is our church’s unity providing a good witness to the community? Why or why not?
  • Am I growing in the keys to unity found in Ephesians 4:2, i.e. Humility? Gentleness? Patience? Tolerance in love?
  • With whom do I really struggle to show these fruits?
  • Do I need to confess a sin or reconcile with anyone in the Body? (Matt. 5:23-24)
  • Who is someone outside my “clique” or “comfort zone” I can reach out to this week to foster greater unity in our church?

(Sunday’s sermon has been uploaded to our podcast site and is now available for free download or to listen online.)

May God help us apply His Word this week in our hearts, in our words, and in our actions.

How to live in the world

Jonathan Dodson gives some great practical ideas on how we should be living “in the world, but not of the world” (John 17:15-18), aka living missionally, or engaging our culture:

  • Eat with non-Christians
  • Walk, don’t drive
  • Be a regular
  • Hobby with non-Christians
  • Talk to your co-workers
  • Volunteer with non-profits
  • Participate in city events
  • Serve your neighbors

You can read the whole article here.

Some related posts I’ve written on this topic:

Swine flu and the church

We’ve been hearing a lot about swine flu lately and you may be wondering if the church is a safe place for you and your children to attend.

First of all, this is an opportunity to keep a sound mind and put our trust in God. “For God has not given us a spirit of timidity, but of power and love and discipline” (2 Timothy 1:7). We never have reason to grow anxious or paranoid. “Do not be afraid of sudden fear, nor of the onslaught of the wicked when it comes; For the Lord will be your confidence and will keep your foot from being caught.” (Proverbs 3:25-26). God has already numbered our days and determined our health. Swine flu cannot thwart God’s sovereign schedule for our lives.

As far as local health risk, our county Department of Public Health issued an advisory on April 28 reporting that “No cases of this virus have been identified in San Bernardino County at this time.” They simply encourage people to take normal, common-sense precautions to minimize the spread of germs:

  • Cover your nose and mouth with a tissue when you cough or sneeze. Throw the tissue in the trash after you use it.
  • Wash your hands often with soap and water, especially after you cough or sneeze. Alcohol-based hands cleaners are also effective.
  • Try to avoid close contact with sick people.
  • If you get sick, stay home from work or school [or church, in our case] and limit contact with others to keep from infecting them.
  • Avoid touching your eyes, nose or mouth. Germs spread that way.
  • It is not necessary to wear a mask unless you are in close contact with someone who has been confirmed to have Swine Influenza A virus infection.

We encourage everyone to attend church as usual on Sunday. It may be wise to have some extra liquid sanitizer bottles available in the restrooms and in the nursery area. But beyond this, there is no reason for concern or need for extra precautionary measures.

Interview, pt. 3

On Wednesday and Thursday, I shared parts one and two of a recent interview I had with a member of our church who was completing a school project on church leadership. Here’s the conclusion to the interview…

5. Are you leading consistently and biblically?

a. Is your leadership based on biblical principals?

Yes, as much as possible, I try to base my leadership on biblical principles. I do not support an executive model, where a pastor rules from the top down, with an attitude of intimidation and condescension toward others. Nor do I support a marketing model, where a pastor is checking opinions, taking polls, and forming focus groups of current or potential churchgoers to see what is trendy. Nor do I not support a purely democratic model, where everyone has an equal voice in every decision.

God has given leadership to the church so all things can be done decently and in order (1 Cor. 14:40). Spiritual leadership is best pictured by a shepherd, who must lead from the front. I must be an example in both character and doctrine to my flock so they will trust and imitate me, as I seek to imitate Christ (1 Cor. 11:1).

b. Do you stand firm in your leadership role against those who try to go against you and the church?

When it is a biblical or philosophical issue, I must stand firm. I do not want to be a pleaser of men, but a pleaser of God (Gal. 1:10). I am called by God to fight the good fight, keep faith, and a good conscience (1 Tim. 1:18-19), and can expect criticism and hostility in the process (John 15:19). I am to do this in a way that is “kind to all, able to teach, patient when wronged, with gentleness correcting those who are in opposition” (2 Tim. 3:24-25).

If it is merely a matter of preference, then I try to be very open and flexible, asking what others think and looking for some consensus. I want to always be open to new ideas, suggestions, concerns, criticisms, etc. Sometimes, change is very good, just to get us out of a rut. Some of the best ideas and changes this church has made since I arrived originated from other people. If I had not listened to them, it would have hindered our health and growth.

c. Are you bold and do you let God convict you instead of listening to others and their opinions?

I believe I am bold and led by God rather than timid and led by people. People’s opinions will shift from one minute to the next. You have to learn in ministry not to take yourself too seriously, nor the compliments and criticisms of others too seriously. If you live and minister for God, it is a wonderfully liberating thing, because He alone becomes the audience you are concerned about. To avoid discouragement or hypocrisy, I frequently have to remind myself I am here to please God, not men.

6. Are you leading by the strength of your character?

a. Do you have a genuine love for the people and for God?

I deeply love the Lord and His church. I count it a tremendous privilege every day to serve God in full-time ministry. There’s nothing I would rather do. It is such a blessing to shepherd the flock of God. The burdens of ministry are heavy at times, as you deal with people’s sin and feel pulled in so many directions, but the joy is incomparable. God always seems to give you a word of encouragement just at that moment when you need it most. And I look forward to the day when First Southern Baptist will be made perfect and will become my “hope and joy and crown of exultation in the presence of our Lord Jesus” (1 Thess. 2:19).

b. Do you lead by example so the congregation will listen to you as the Pastor and see Christ in you?

I can’t expect anything from the church that I’m not first doing myself. It is extremely destructive for a pastor to have a “do as I say, not as I do” mentality. Many people have fallen away from the faith and left the church completely because of this. I’m not excusing their rejection of God or His church, because they will still be held accountable, but I do know there will be a heavy judgment on any pastor who has caused even one little one to stumble (Matt. 18:6).

Every area of my life should be an example and above reproach (1 Tim. 3:2). I’m far from perfect (chief of sinners would be more accurate), but I am striving to become more like Christ. I’m right there in the trenches, with my people, fighting sin and temptation every day and seeking to put on the full armor of God. I do hope as they watch me, they will learn to love Christ and be all-satisfied in Him.

c. Are you afraid that people won’t follow if you make changes and take complete control as the leader of the church and truly listen to God’s will for the church?

I’ve never really thought about this fear. God blessed me with a great team of godly men who serve as deacons in our church. I know I can trust them and glean great wisdom from them. If they were not supportive of something, then it would be highly, highly unlikely I would ever sense it was “God’s will” to move forward with it anyway. If, on the other hand, I have consulted with my fellow leaders and we really agree we need to move in a new direction and have biblical precedent for it, then I do believe I would step forward and lead with confidence, even if it put my reputation or “popularity” at risk.

I’m uncomfortable with the statement “take complete control as the leader of the church and truly listen to God’s will.” It sounds like something a cult leader would say. I always want to encourage people to search the Scriptures for themselves and discern if I am right or wrong. If I’m wrong, I want to be told. If I’m right, I expect to be followed. I don’t want people to just take my word for it. There’s no authority in that. I want a church full of Bereans, who “received the word with great eagerness, examining the Scriptures daily to see whether these things were so” (Ac. 17:11).

God has given the church both leaders and a congregation to provide a healthy check and balance. Even the apostles, when proposing the first deacon ministry, gave instructions which “found approval with the whole congregation” (Ac. 6:5). Now, I realize unanimous approval is not always possible, but there should be a general sense that both the leaders and congregation agree to move forward in a new direction. If the people are not with you, then you may need to take more time to teach on the issue and explain the biblical reasoning for it.

Thoughts on Life and Leadership